Chapter 1

I hissed and spat at the large gray tom looming over me. He was at least three times my size, but I fought on anyway, alone. I swiped at his face, claws sheathed.
I wasn't trying to hurt him.
I wasn't in any real danger.
I was just training.
Hi, I'm Spottedpaw, an apprentice in FireClan. The huge gray tom I am fighting is my mentor, Wolf-fang. He's pretty cool, but he's HUGE.
Anyway.
He had me pinned, paws on my chest, ready to make the 'killing' bite when I knocked one leg out from under him. He lost his balance and I flipped over with my fangs to his throat. He purred in surrender.
"Excellent, Spottedpaw. That was brilliant!" FireClan cats always spoke differently. The other Clans spoke- well, normally. We spoke in the old way, with old words. We were allowed to speak the new way, but for some reason, we didn't. I relaxed my stance above him and sat next to him. I licked one paw to hide my embarrassment.
"Thank you, Wolf-fang. I'm glad I'm gettiing better!"
"Perhaps good enough to be a warrior," He murmured.
"You can't be serious!" I exclaimed happily.
"Oh, I am serious, Spottedpaw. Very soon, you may be standing vigil outside the camp."
"Thank you, Wolf-fang!" I repeated with more enthusiasm. I sprang forward to touch noses with my father- well, try, anyway. My mother had died when I was a kit, so I didn't remember her at all. I just remember that her scent was sweet and she had a beautiful, soft voice.
"If only Lightbreeze was here to see you become a warrior," Wolf-fang mewed sadly. The loss of my mother had devastated him. I was the only kit that had survived her death. Lightbreeze had carried an unusual amount of kits. She gave birth to eight of us, and we were all incredibly small. It was amazing that we weren't all born dead. Only Brightkit and Lifekit and I were born alive. Sadly, soon after our birth, Brightkit and Lifekit joined NightClan, to be with Lightbreeze. This hurt me and Wolf-fang both, and he stayed by me for nearly three moons until he was sure I would make it. Stormstar had enough compassion to let Wolf-fang ;eave his warrior duties behind for three weeks to care for mem to make sure I wouldn't leave in my sleep like Brightkit and Lifekit. They only lived two days, but that was long enough to have them in my memories. I had never actually seen them- all kits are born blind and deaf, their eyes closed and their ears folded for their hearing to continue developing- but their sweet scents stuck with me, as did my mothers. I had a very strong bond with my father, as you can imagine. He was with me from the day I was born, trying to keep the three of us alive with Cloudblaze, who was a queen at the time. Rainpaw and I grew up like littermates, and that's how I thought of him- a brother. The brother I never had. He was Cloudblaze's only kit, and I was Wolf-fang's only kit. Cloudblaze accepted to care for me, and from the stories of my past, Wolf-fang really got on her nerves, practically living in the nursery. Since we were so strongly bonded- and since Stormstar was my uncle- he let Wolf-fang mentor me, trusting him to train me as any other apprentice, not like his daughter. The only time he really seemed like my father was when he was praising me, or when we shared a large peice of prey I caught. SOmetimes we would go on long walks at night, and he would tell me about my mother and my littermates, how beautiful Lightbreeze was. I was expecting, since tonight might be the last night I was an apprentice, that he would take me on one of those walks. They were magical, filled with her spirit- and Wolf-fang's. Wolf-fang was unbreakable. He had endured the worst loss possible- the loss of his mate, and then seven of eight kits, two of which had a fighting chance to live. Only one survived, and that kit was me.
"She will be, I'm sure of it. She and Brightkit and Lifekit are watching from the stars. And they always will be." My voice became quieter with every word, and I wasn't sure he could hear my by the end of my statement. He purred anyway, and I felt one massive paw pull me closer to him.
"I don't ever want to loose you," He murmured.
"I don't ever want to loose you, either." I whispered.

(Oh, the mushy goodness of the story!)

That night, as I expected, we went on a walk. He took me to the clearest part of the territory, where there were no trees to block the sky. The moon was nearly full, and I realized that the gathering was only a few nights away. We walked by the river that was the border to BrookClan.
"Lightbreeze was beautiful. Her fur was pure white, the olor of fresh snow in the sunlight. Her eyes were like dewdrops in the sun, shining and beautiful. She was beautiful in herself, not just on the outside, but on the inside as well. Her soul was the purest and most beautiful of any cat I have ever met. She was so small, and beautiful, special, kind, failthful... full of heart. Even in battle, she was beautiful. Her moves were fluid, timed, deliberate, and damaging. With every blow she took, I could see how it hurt her. She could only bring herself to fight by thinking of the kits or queens back in the camp, the ones who she was fighting to protect. She found it within herself to fight for those who she beleived were depending on her. And they were, in a way..."
"But... if she was such a beautiful soul, why would NightClan curse her with having eight kits? "
"That is a very good question. We all have to endure tests before we join NightClan. Hers was fighting, or so I beleive. Her spirit was gentle, and her heart was open to all. She had to fight, being a warrior, for her Clan and all those in it. She found justice in fighting for her friends and family, and, someday, when she had kits of her own, she hoped that the cats in her Clan would do the same for her."
Lightbreeze's sweet scent overwhelmed me, and I could almost feel my mother, almost see her when I never had. My litter mates danced across my vision, and I imagined us playing together outside the nursery, Wolf-fang and Lightbreeze watching the three of us happily. I could almost hear my mother's pawsteps leave my side. I heard pawsteps retreat behind me, and then pick up pace beside Wolf-fang. Could she really be here? Could NightClan cats visit the living, in some way other than dreams? Was it possible?
I felt like I was choking, and a shudder shook me. A tear wet my fur, and I wished that I could have lived normally, with two littermates and a mother that was mine and a father that loved her like Wolf-fang would have loved her.
Silent tears fell down my face as we talked on into the night.


*


When we returned to camp, it was moonhigh. I padded quietly into the apprentices den, settling into my bed beside Rainpaw. His breaths were measured, deep, perfect. He was deeply asleep. I fell asleep quickly, too, with Lightbreeze on my mind.
Her scent was in my dreams, and I walked beside a moonlit river. I recognized the border to BrookClan, where I had walked that night with Wolf-fang.
"Spottedpaw," I heard someone croon. I recognized the voice, but I didn't know where from. A white she-cat bounded up to me, two kits at her side. One was small and white, like her, and the other was a soft gray with the same eyes as the white she-cat. "Spottedpaw, I am Lightbreeze. Lifekit, say hello to your sister. Brightkit, you too."
The snow white kit stepped forward, dipped her head, and mewed, "I am Lifekit. It's a pleasure to meet you, Spottedpaw. I only wish I could be an apprentice with you." Five other kits bounded up to Lightbreeze. I assumed these were the kits that were born dead.
"These are also my kits. Here, they have a name, as they did when the were born."
The small gray kit stepped forward.
"I am Brightkit. You may not remember me, Spottedpaw."
"Of course I remember you. I just... I never got to see you." I mewed, fighting more tears.
"It is okay to cry, Spottedpaw." Lightbreeze mewed, stepping forward and touching her nose to mine. I pressed my nose into her fur, inhaling her scent. How did I wind up like this? Why was this a horror, instead of an ending that fit? How could NightClan do this? Why would they do this?
Despite my efforts, choking tears were soaking my fur, and hers. (I'm actually crying right now, too, as I write this.) A wail of despair escaped me, and Lightbreeze groomed me. I could feel he tears soaking into my fur too. I couldn't remember how this happened. I didn't know why. The pain was too much. My spirit wuld break, I knew it. I couldn't stand the pain. I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want this to end. I was finally with my mother. Finally, I could see her, feel her fur, inhale her scent. Why would NightClan take this away from me? Away from Wolf-fang?
Somehow, the night went on.
I was sick of living in a dream, wishing that what had happened didn't happen, living in fantasies of how my life could- should- have been, should be. I wailed again, a cry of pure sorrow and pain. I could tell, I was slipping toward breaking. My spirit couldn't hold on much longer. I was hanging by a clawtip, barely able to hang on. Why couldn't this start over, my whole life? A life where Lightbreeze got to live with her eight kits that all lived and her mate who loved her so deeply that it would cause them phisical pain to be away from them? I could tell that the dream was slowly fading, because my mother's fur was loosing it's thickness, it's substance. Her tears still clung in my fur, her scent filling my memory. I wailed again, left by the river full of moonlight, all alone. I wondered how long it would take for my spirit to break.
"Lightbreeze! Don't leave me! Explain to me what happened!" I wailed. Why was I trying to hold onto a time when nothing mattered? It didn't make sense. "I can't do this alone! Stay with me! Brightkit! Lifekit! Lightbreeze!" I cried. "I'm so sick of this life! Take me with you! Please! Please..." My last words were whispers as I cried silently, waiting for my dream-turned-nightmare to end.

Finally, it did.
I could feel someone grooming me, someone warm and comforting. I heard a pained wail and opened my eyes. It belonged to me. My vision was blurred, and I clung to Lightbreeze's scent.
"It's okay, Spottedpaw. You're okay." Someone murmured. Rainpaw. I was too choked by tears to answer him. I only shook with my sobs, trying to stifle them as best I could so that I didn't wake up the whole camp.

Soon, daylight seeped through into the apprentices den. I was done crying, I hoped. Time to go out and face another day.